I'm not sure where I will be going in June. I want to go somewhere to help. People at work tell me, "Go to Louisiana, help the hurricane victims." I know that these people are living in awful conditions and can use all the help they can get. There are plenty of people in downtown Denver who need help. I wouldn't have to travel far at all to help some of the poor children in Greeley. I don't know what it is, but I am drawn to Africa. I always have been.

  The disappointment I feel about the crumbling of Nairobi's security and stability is so intensely deep. I spent a lot of time crying at the end of December when it became clear that the people of Kenya were not going to rest after the election. I cried for these people I didn't know, for the deep disappointment they felt. I cried for their desperate condition, fighting for a better life and for the man who promised them this. I cried, also, for my dream of visiting this place, for the second time being pulled away from me.

  Is it being pulled away? And if this door is being closed, where is the opening door? I'm sure it's there, but I can't see it now. I look online for volunteer opportunities in Ghana, a very stable country in Africa. I see faces of orphans in Ghana staring from the screen and I read volunteer manuals for organizations in Ghana, and accounts from people who have volunteered, but I don't feel what I felt for the children at Tumaini. I'm sure it will take time to let go of one dream so that I can pursue another.

Do I need to pursue another? Jeff may still be visiting Tumiani next month. If he can go so soon after the election, shouldn't I be able to go by June? I got an email from Mandy, living in the heart of the chaos. She asks me when I plan to come to Tumaini and suggests we get together. Her view is so much different from my scared friends and family, and she's THERE. Here's a clip of Joel and Mandy's blog entry from Jan. 15th:  "We remain safe and well. Mandy has returned to teaching. It is amazing to see that the elections have had VERY little impact on many people in and around Nairobi. There are several pockets in the city that have not been impacted at all. We were reminded yesterday on our bus ride home that tension is still high as we saw the burned streets of Kibera and were stopped by a group of youths who demanded money from our driver (who was of a different tribe) in order to continue with the route. Mandy's school was canceled tomorrow because of the planned rallies (which are still banned by the government)."  http://ctmnairobi.blogspot.com/   

The situation is far from perfect, but is it still possible? I am going to make an appointment for my follow-up hepatitis shot in the next week. I continue to make monthly deposits from my paycheck into my Africa fund. Things are in limbo right now, and I pray for direction.